Why let a lack of talent prevent you from being a star?

by Redd Blog on August 14, 2010

Here’s a few useful tips for aspiring actors everywhere:

1)   Affectation is key: A funny hat, over or under-sized glasses, perhaps a jaunty neckerchief

2)   Accents are good, and everyone knows the best accents are Scottish*. eg: “Look at the small dog over there.” becomes “Would ye take a peep at that wee dug near the Loch! Oh it’s great! Nae word of a lie!”

3)   Speak slowly and carefully. Actually mean the words you say. If you can’t mean the words you say, find a sociopath and copy their mannerisms

4)   Use life experience to inform your role. If you have no life experience, find a Biker Bar and suggest to the largest gentleman in attendance that his testicles, both figurative and literal, are lacking. After they release you from the hospital use life experience to inform you role

5)   Claim that heavy drinking is part of your “process”. It won’t improve your performance but at least it’ll take care of any stage fright

* Probably

Use this advice wisely, now you’re prepared to go further and read the scripts.

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