How to be a great Artist or “I’m so deep, please blow me”
Tips for Artists
- Make sure to remain joyless and devoid of anything that could even resemble a sense of humour. Remember kids: if it makes you laugh and/or enjoy it – it’s NOT ART
- Suffering for your art is all good and well – but what’s the point if no one sees? Make sure to share your “intimate secrets” on Facebook, myspace, Youtube and any other social media. Afterwards complain that people should “get a life and stop bothering [you]” – then post that to your blog and tweet it repeatedly
- All great artists die young, then people suddenly develop an “appreciation” for their “misunderstood genius”. So why not Fake Your Own Death and see what the critics and your friends really think
- Slice off an ear and give it to a chick/dude you like. Actually, that’s been done. Why not lop off a leg as well? Talk about cutting edge!
- “Performance art” is probably the best place to start if you have no actual skills like drawing, painting or sculpting. Just get a raw chicken, whack it on a pole and run around with no pants, wearing a Ronald Reagan mask, screaming: “Scaffolding! Scaffolding! Scaffolding!” for four and a half hours. No one will get it so you’ll be considered a genius